#37

Craigslist is more than a resource for philanderers, blenders, perverts, apartments, and alleged creepy pre-med predators. That's right folks! In this life, the Universe, and everything it also gives a good laugh! Here are some examples of humor:

• "looking to be entertained? To control what you want to see? Need house servant at girls get together? Cute guy in apron here, at your service!!" Some guys will do anything for attention!
• "Nice Guy Recipe:
  4 cups college cheese; 1 pealed professional pear; 1 Tbsp. aged rocknroller horse radish; 1/4 cup kayak ketchup; 1 6oz package of camping croutons; 2 mildly apolitical peppers; 1 epistemological eggplant; 1 750ml bottle of Kant's Categorical Imperative Pino Grigio, or 2 pints boastful beer or self deprecating Twisted Tea; 1 1b. 85% Ground Beef ; 1 bunch of geeky grapes; 1 stick of salted witty repartee; a pinch of existentialist poppycock. Remove croutons from baggage. Simmer peppers on lo gear Wrangler, do not cover. Mix pears with other like minded fruits. marmalade with sugar, spice, whatever's um..ya.. Bake beef into loaf at 420F or form beef into punny patties for grilling . Throw out vile and expired college cheese. Drink Pino Grigio while cooking instead of with meal, avoid discussing Emmanuel Kant. Add eclectic interests to taste. Serve with stable salad. Open to salt and pepper. No expectations on servings." Some guys will cook up anything for attention!
• "Sick of Frat boys? Emo boys? Spikey-haired pretty-boys? Guys who are good in bed? Manly men? Then why not try me, the studly and socially introverted quivering mass of man meat? Weighing in at only 160 pounds, I can be stored safely in large suitcases or spandex undershorts, and my good understanding and use of both the English and French languages means that I can be a handy, albeit somewhat bulky travel dictionary! (note: do not actually try to read me, that's just disgusting). My sexual history is spotty at best, my performances remain to this day unrated or spoken of by partners (and believe me, all two of them remain very tight-lipped), and my appearance is average. There is absolutely nothing outstanding about me aside from an insatiable urge to fiddle with shit and a good vocabulary. Hobbies include: - Digital art - Musicianing (its a word, i think... i play the musician, and very well i might add!) - Chronic masturbation (might as well be honest, right ladies?) - Ham gargling - More! If anything, this ad must have at least shown you that there is one honest person left on this earth. Someone who is not afraid to tell you that you might very well resemble a trout, without the awkward backtracking to some bullcrap story about how trouts are very noble and colorful fish. No Trout are ugly Get over it. Any ladies interested? Then look at the below pictures and tell me that to my inbox! (since currently, telling me to my face is a physical impossibility) PS: Please, no vegans, hippies, people who do not bathe, vegetarians, girls who wear pajama bottoms in public, anyone who uses the word "spork" to be random, people who are fans of Jhonen Vasquez, Jhonen Vasquez himself, anyone who has ever or thinks they might someday tout sex as a weapon, trout, other forms of fish." This princess happens to think trout are very pretty, especially the rainbow variety. The nobility aspect is dodgy though. Some guys will reference trout for attention!
• One creative young man posted a pic of a blue and white blanket fort he created. Here's his story, "Come let us frolic in my totally dope blanket fort": "Yes, I know what you’re saying, “dude, that blanket fort sucks.” That would not be the first time I’ve heard such short-sighted criticism. Its structural integrity is dubious at best and there isn’t a whole lot of headroom. But c’mon, it’s not like I’m a freakin’ architect or anything. Besides, this little baby is just a prototype. I have vast resources of cushions for anchoring and blankets in order to maximize square footage. My living room is just waiting to be turned into a totally sweet labyrinth of love. I am very open to suggestions in respect to design and construction, as I’d like this fort to be a shared vision. Much like the Taj Mahal, its intended that this little beauty will be inspired by a very special lady. Once our shelter is erected, we can move in and work on some of our higher order needs. Or we could just order a pizza and tell ghost stories. Please email me with a picture if you want to be invited to this living room party. It will be sweet. PS: I’m allowed to have sleepovers." Some guys will build anything for attention!

So there it is! Comedy in the personals section - who'da thunk it? Hmmm, wonder what's in the blender section...