Friday, July 31, 2009


Saving face - now that's an interesting phrase in this life, the Universe, and everything. What are we saving our faces for anyway? A rainy day? You mean we can't use them in the here and now? And what about other interesting phrases? Here are some to ponder:

  • "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" --> Actually, they're eggs so there you go!

  • "Making whoopie" --> This one is actually incomplete. It should read "making whoopie pies", which, actually, is not enigmatic at all. Mmmm whoopie pies!

  • Though "tripping the light fantastic" was used disappointingly in the previous post, this princess will attempt to "save face" by discussing it again. Okay, so it's a way of saying someone is "light on his toes" or dances nimbly, but who knows, the 1960s hippies may have had their own definition!

Interesting phrases make language interesting to say the least. Enough said.

Thursday, July 30, 2009


Men, women, friendship, family, faith, and country are all examples of entities to whom humans can express love in this life, the Universe, and everything. Songs have sung the praises of love, mostly of the romantic variety. Here are some titles:

  • "Love is a many splendored thing" --> Surprise runs amok in the marketing world that the Splenda brand hasn't capitalized on this song. Then again, maybe not.

  • "All you need is love" --> Tell that to the unemployed guy who owes 2 months back rent.

  • "Love lifts us up where we belong" --> Will it work for females with gravity issues?

  • "Baby I love your way" --> Remember that when she insists on another addition to the house!

Though romantic love songs can clash with some hard situations of life, it doesn't stop them from being written or sung. As the title of Sister Maura Eichner's poetry book suggests Hope is a Blind Bard. This princess says "keep on singing"!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Paradox. This word alone is interesting in this life, the Universe, and everything. This is what has to say about this word:

1.a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.
2.a self-contradictory and false proposition.
3.any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature. opinion or statement contrary to commonly accepted opinion.

This princess thinks the above definition is a paradox! A paradoxical statement is intrinsically funny. Here are some examples:
  • Nobody shops at that store. It's too crowded.
  • Oscar Wilde said, "I can resist anything except temptation."
  • It's raining cats and dogs. Oh wait, that's a metaphor! Or is it? Back in the day of the thatched roof small animals would gather in the thatch for warmth, but when it rained heavily water seeped in and the poor critters would lose their grip and fall; thus, "it's raining cats and dogs" happened quite literally. Maybe it is a paradox because it was literally true then, but isn't now (certainly not in certain parts of the world anyway). It just may qualify under meaning #1 re: absurd and being a possible truth in parts of the world that have thatched roofing, warm rooms, cats and dogs in the house, and heavy rains.

This princess enjoys the amusing aspect of paradox. Though mind-boggling and head-spinning to think too much about, this brief foray has been interesting and fun. For the most part though, this princess will stick to her daily routine of coffee with cream and no paradox thank you.

Friday, July 24, 2009


If a redneck lives in a red state, what is he called if he lives in a blue state, a blueneck? Red state, blue state, yuppie, Millenial, Baby Boomer, fundamentalist, metrosexual, and many other labels and categories exist in this American life, the Universe, and everything. Is it a safety mechanism to apply these labels? Is labelling good, bad, or indifferent? Here are some perspectives on labels and categories:
  • The Millenial Generation is also called Gen Y. Now there's talk of the next Generation being named Gen Z. Since Z is the last letter in the English alphabet there may be a problem for the following generation. Yeah, it's called global warming.
  • Metrosexual was coined for the man who wanted to be more fashionable and also concerned with his image regardless of his sexual orientation. Some marketing types thought they'd coin "ubersexual" to "straighten out" the metrosexual and hearken back to the "traditional male" prototype while still tapping into the consumerism piece. Seems all a bit too confusing. There are no straight answers here.
  • Religion doesn't have the corner on the market of fundamentalism. According to another meaning of the word is "strict adherence to any set of basic ideas or principles". So scientists, politicos, businesses, and each one of us individually can be a fundamentalist either in our global world view or one or more areas of our existence. "Strict" reminds of "stricture". Both words are based on the Latin strictus, past participle of stringere, which means to "draw tight". One of the meanings of stricture is "an abnormal contraction of any passage or duct of the body". The alimentary canal, "a tubular passage functioning in the digestion and absorption of food and the elimination of food residue, beginning at the mouth and terminating at the anus" is one such passage. What happens if this passage were to "draw tight" all along its passageway? Yeah, a bunch of tight asses who are full of it!

So it seems possibly irrelevant, confusing, and against the flow if humans get too caught up in using and living labels. Just as the human body works to maintain homestasis, a state of balance, it behooves the human outlook to engage thus as well. So let's keep what works and throw the garbage out.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Since this princess believes in equal opportunity she's decided to feature all the funny ladies lookin' for love on Craigslist. She personally didn't know love hangs out there amidst the blenders and the pervs, but one never knows in this life, the Universe, and everything. These are from the "best of" section on Craigslist:

  • Was that your limb? - w4m I was running to catch the 9 train, early in the morning tuesday. Apparently I wasn't the only one: I saw you down the subway stop ahead of me. You were sprinting, and collided with a support column. Your prosthetic arm flew off, and you kept running.
    You made the train, and I did not. All that was left was your lovely arm, glistening from the summer humidity. It smelled of pine and saddleneck oil.
    I have it now, in my living room. It's sitting in a hallway basket, with some umbrellas and a digeridoo. Contact me: I'd like to meet the rest of you.
  • This ad from a Canadian woman is too long for this tiny blog. The title should give you an idea of her intent - Lets Trade Places: Married for Single Life - w4mw. This section discusses what the prospective, willing, married trade woman should expect: "My Life: You would be trading your married life for an apartment in Yaletown and a Mini. I have a group of girl friends who you would spend most of your time with doing activities such as exercising, eating out, dinner parties, movie nights, shopping, and so on. They will help to set you up on a series of first dates (what happens there is up to you). You can use the in-suite gym and swimming pool, and would have access to my wardrobe (size four). My mother will call you every second day and discuss how your younger sister has the most beautiful child and husband, and then move on to how disappointing it is that you cannot find a man to settle down with. You can be quite sure that a series of ex-boyfriends will call you up between the hours of 12am and 3 on the weekends (again, what happens there is up to you). " For more of her fun, check here:
  • Why don't I ever have a Missed Connection? - w4m Everywhere I go, I scan my surroundings and wonder if someone is secretly plotting a CL (craigslist) missed connection post for me. "We locked eyes briefly at the CVS as you were picking out those heavy flow tampons. You smiled at me so innocently. If this is you tell me what I was wearing" Nothing. I drive down the interstate and look in all the cars and then come home to check CL to see if anyone missed a connection with the "Sexy dark haired girl in the Honda going towards the Philly International Aiport on I95, you eyeballed me and picked your nose. I want to take you out." Still nothing. I get up every day, shower, get dressed and go out just so someone can miss a connection and look for me on CL. Don't approach me in public. I'm waiting for you here.

So funny ladies exist in the craigslist domain of this world. Maybe they weren't really lookin' for love, but the humor in the process of lookin' for love on craigslist. Just a humble observation from a not always astute princess!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Many humans like to add humor to their daily business in this life, the Universe, and everything. Here are some examples:
  • There is a cool trailer called the Snack Shack near the ferry terminal in Islesboro, Maine (and yes this princess enjoys the food too!). In addition to fun 1950s art posters and other sundry amusements, the owners have this cute, little, professionally painted sign as a reminder to parents: Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy.
  • In a coed bathroom at a state government office building in Maine, a woman placed a notice above a toilet in the bathroom. It read, "WOMEN USE THIS BATHROOM TOO GENTLEMAN PLEASE, PUT THE SEAT DOWN AFTER YOU HAVE FINISHED" It seems a man felt the need to share his perspective as well. His sign read, "MEN USE THIS BATHROOM TOO LADIES PLEASE, PUT THE SEAT UP WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED"
  • Churches can have funny sayings posted on their outdoor signs. One such saying, "Lead me not into temptation I can find it myself."

So there are varied ways to keep it interesting and blow off some steam when it involves the human condition. Even though no one gets out alive, we can have fun doing it while we're here.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Webposting commenters say the darndest things in this life, the Universe, and everything. Here is a story that offers perspective on the human condition in and of itself in one culture with the perspective of readers' comments who belong to a completely different culture.

This princess can relate to the story in terms of taking action. Several beloved flowering plants were stolen and her family garden was raided of vegetables on two separate occasions. Though she knew no perpetrator would be caught she still enlisted the police for help so that she felt some sense of power in the situation. She views the following story in this light:

On July 15th, 2009 CNN reported that "A family in Saudi Arabia has taken a genie to court, alleging theft and harassment, according to local media.

The lawsuit filed in Shariah court accuses the genie of leaving them threatening voicemails, stealing their cell phones and hurling rocks at them when they leave their house at night, said Al-Watan newspaper....

"We have to verify the truthfulness of this case despite the difficulty of doing so," Sheikh Amr Al Salmi, the head of the court, told Al-Watan. "What makes this case and complaint more interesting is that it wasn't filed by just one person. Every member of the family is part of this case."

...In Islamic cultures, a belief in genies, or jinns, is common. Genies not only appear in pre-Islamic fiction such as "Arabian Nights," but are also mentioned in the Quran. Many Saudis believe invisible genies live among them and are capable of demonic possession and revenge."

Here are the comments:
  • This gave me the idea of suing the tooth fairy. I don't feel she gave me enough money for my teeth when I was younger.
  • I understand where they're coming from.....i tried suing Santa Claus for slander and failure to fulfill a contract when i was good all year but he brought me coal anyway....turns out, we dont have an extradition agreement with the North Pole....for me to have any shot at winning they have to catch him the breaking the law here in the states and hold him for is sliding down people's chimneys if not breaking and entering?....tell me he's not speeding when he's making his rounds......must have SOME radar detector to avoid all the speed traps....and what about cruelty to the reindeer?....think he's not taking a little nip of the eggnogg every now and then to keep warm? simple DUI arrest and i'm golden. Just more proof.....the rich get more "equal" justice than the rest of us.
  • Wish Number One: I wish you'd stop throwing stones at us.
  • Why would they want to sue Jeannie? She is such a lovable genie. Sure, she gets Major Nelson into trouble every now and then, but she does her best to bail him out, too.
  • Well they should sue! I hope they win and get MILLIONS in invisible money from that good for nothing Genie! Get it for everything it has.
  • Dont tell me?.....They must have rubbed the Genie the wrong way!
  • What I'd like to know is how they're going to collect from a jinn when I can't even collect child support.

Just goes to show that everyone's a comic, intentional and otherwise. As is evident, commenters say the darndest things!

Monday, July 20, 2009


Craigslist is more than a resource for philanderers, blenders, perverts, apartments, and alleged creepy pre-med predators. That's right folks! In this life, the Universe, and everything it also gives a good laugh! Here are some examples of humor:
  • "looking to be entertained? To control what you want to see? Need house servant at girls get together? Cute guy in apron here, at your service!!" Some guys will do anything for attention!
  • "Nice Guy Recipe:
    4 cups college cheese; 1 pealed professional pear; 1 Tbsp. aged rocknroller horse radish; 1/4 cup kayak ketchup; 1 6oz package of camping croutons; 2 mildly apolitical peppers; 1 epistemological eggplant; 1 750ml bottle of Kant's Categorical Imperative Pino Grigio, or 2 pints boastful beer or self deprecating Twisted Tea; 1 1b. 85% Ground Beef ; 1 bunch of geeky grapes; 1 stick of salted witty repartee; a pinch of existentialist poppycock. Remove croutons from baggage. Simmer peppers on lo gear Wrangler, do not cover. Mix pears with other like minded fruits. marmalade with sugar, spice, whatever's um..ya.. Bake beef into loaf at 420F or form beef into punny patties for grilling . Throw out vile and expired college cheese. Drink Pino Grigio while cooking instead of with meal, avoid discussing Emmanuel Kant. Add eclectic interests to taste. Serve with stable salad. Open to salt and pepper. No expectations on servings." Some guys will cook up anything for attention!
  • "Sick of Frat boys? Emo boys? Spikey-haired pretty-boys? Guys who are good in bed? Manly men? Then why not try me, the studly and socially introverted quivering mass of man meat? Weighing in at only 160 pounds, I can be stored safely in large suitcases or spandex undershorts, and my good understanding and use of both the English and French languages means that I can be a handy, albeit somewhat bulky travel dictionary! (note: do not actually try to read me, that's just disgusting). My sexual history is spotty at best, my performances remain to this day unrated or spoken of by partners (and believe me, all two of them remain very tight-lipped), and my appearance is average. There is absolutely nothing outstanding about me aside from an insatiable urge to fiddle with shit and a good vocabulary. Hobbies include: - Digital art - Musicianing (its a word, i think... i play the musician, and very well i might add!) - Chronic masturbation (might as well be honest, right ladies?) - Ham gargling - More! If anything, this ad must have at least shown you that there is one honest person left on this earth. Someone who is not afraid to tell you that you might very well resemble a trout, without the awkward backtracking to some bullcrap story about how trouts are very noble and colorful fish. No Trout are ugly Get over it. Any ladies interested? Then look at the below pictures and tell me that to my inbox! (since currently, telling me to my face is a physical impossibility) PS: Please, no vegans, hippies, people who do not bathe, vegetarians, girls who wear pajama bottoms in public, anyone who uses the word "spork" to be random, people who are fans of Jhonen Vasquez, Jhonen Vasquez himself, anyone who has ever or thinks they might someday tout sex as a weapon, trout, other forms of fish." This princess happens to think trout are very pretty, especially the rainbow variety. The nobility aspect is dodgy though. Some guys will reference trout for attention!
  • One creative young man posted a pic of a blue and white blanket fort he created. Here's his story, "Come let us frolic in my totally dope blanket fort": "Yes, I know what you’re saying, “dude, that blanket fort sucks.” That would not be the first time I’ve heard such short-sighted criticism. Its structural integrity is dubious at best and there isn’t a whole lot of headroom. But c’mon, it’s not like I’m a freakin’ architect or anything. Besides, this little baby is just a prototype. I have vast resources of cushions for anchoring and blankets in order to maximize square footage. My living room is just waiting to be turned into a totally sweet labyrinth of love. I am very open to suggestions in respect to design and construction, as I’d like this fort to be a shared vision. Much like the Taj Mahal, its intended that this little beauty will be inspired by a very special lady. Once our shelter is erected, we can move in and work on some of our higher order needs. Or we could just order a pizza and tell ghost stories. Please email me with a picture if you want to be invited to this living room party. It will be sweet. PS: I’m allowed to have sleepovers." Some guys will build anything for attention!

So there it is! Comedy in the personals section - who'da thunk it? Hmmm, wonder what's in the blender section...

Friday, July 17, 2009


There's always one in the crowd in this life, the Universe, and everything - you know, the know-it-all type who not only boasts her smartypants skills, but must have the last word. This princess qualifies by nature of her royal attitude at times, but the focus here is the basic arrogant arse who just plain loves to put others down. All humans have their mean moments and hopefully realize later, apologize, and move on to better, kinder choices. It does seem though that certain humans live and thrive in that zone. What evidence is there of these annoying attitudes and is there any room for humor there?
  • This princess personally dislikes the subtle saboteur. The one who says, "Oh yes, this recipe is good, but mine tastes fantastic when I add lemon zest. It gives it such a perky flavor!" The dissed chef now has a choice. She could choose to graciously ignore, smile, and let karma take its course. Or she could obtain instant gratification and reply "Too bad there's no lemon zest for breasts."
  • Another association to arrogance: adolescents. Best just to breathe through their existence like so many labor pains. Use a mantra like a focal point, just like the childbirth educators teach: this too shall pass, nothing ventured nothing gained, the two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity - yeah, simple centering phrases. That'll work.
  • Finally, there are those who must have the last word even if it's from beyond the grave. Check this epitaph from an 1823 granite gravestone in a cemetery in Maine:

"Behold as you pass by,

As you are now so once was I

As I am now so you must be.

Prepare for death and follow me."

She's a barrel of laughs! That's one cheery chick, eh? Personally this princess prefers to live in the proverbial present. It's so much better to live life to the fullest; love oneself and others; give and receive; face one's fears; feel all there is to feel (ahem, emotions not second base!); thus, there's no need to prepare for death because the joy and love expressed in life prepare us for the new ahead when we pass through that door.

When we think we know it all then the cosmic joke is on us! Yes, this proud princess has eaten enough humble pie to hopefully learn her lesson. If not, she'll join the other arrogant arses when the crow eating contest pulls around to the palace. Until then, Happy Umbrage!

Thursday, July 16, 2009


This princess has been enjoying the beautiful land and seascape in her glorious palace playland in Maine. Vacations are a beautiful thing in this life, the Universe, and everything. Whilst enjoying the natural beauty, the gears and wheels of the comic mind were still attempting to turn. One topic that came to mind was the off-label use of various things, e.g. Avon's Skin So Soft oil works well as a bug repellent. Of course, medical studies are finding certain medicines work well for other ailments in addition to the ones originally intended.

Here are some other off label options this princess wants to add to the mix:
  • Those little blue tooth phone headsets would work well as a distracting device for when you really want to talk to yourself in public but don't want to appear crazy.
  • An inventive woman decided a pair of Hanes underwear would make a great halter top: just cut out the crotch, turn it upside down, put the head through the new opening, arms through the previous leg holes and voila!, instant fashion!
  • Recession-proof temporary tattoos. Got a bored little one looking for some fun? Got a bunch of Chiquita bananas with the stickers attached? Recycle that sticker and give your young'un some fun! Kills two birds with one stone and hey, kids are easy to please!
  • Along the same vein, don't buy your child any birthday toys, just find a clean cardboard box and you're good to go! Generally recommended for the pre-school set, but good BS-ing skills may help you extend this to older children as well. The possibilities are endless!

This is a small sampling of possible off-label uses for items. The expanses of human ingenuity can create many more options. Further explorations and discoveries may be posted! One never knows, but once this princess does she most certainly will tell!