Indebtedness to ex-boyfriends who've taught painful lessons isn't normally on a princess' gratitude list. Learning curves are good though, especially if a woman is teaching a man hers.
So with lessons learned, this princess thought she might venture into the kingdom of Internet dating. What the heck, she might learn something from this foray into mostly uncharted territory.
Imagine her frustration on day one when she discovered so few choices for body type description. She was hoping there was one for a "bodacious babe-a-licious" body, but alas, no such good fortune occurred. Instead there were only choices that her scouts already forewarned her were just code for the REAL body type. Here are some examples:
Athletic = flat Voluptuous = fat A few extra pounds = DEFINITELY fat
Slim = flat Curvy = fat
Slender = flat Average = fat
What's a princess to do? Leave it blank and post a couple of pics.
Another issue with Internet dating today is the men want to jump into bed as quickly as possible. This probably hasn't changed throughout the ages, but whatever happened to good old-fashioned wooing? A nice slow woo can be a very good thing. Savor all those moments. Chivalry isn't dead so maybe wooing can be revived.
Perhaps there are men out there with wooing skills. If not, then perchance there is at least one malleable subject.
In the search for a trainable wooer, the first thing learned was that humor may not be a good teaching tool. In attempting to influence the subject into a more wooing stance it may not be advisable to ask "Are you sure you want to have sex on the second date? I could be a psycho hose beast ya know."
It may also be advisable to know the difference between gentle wooing vs. going for the down and dirty. Thus, a princess can accurately assess the situation then instruct accordingly. Here are a couple of signs that he's not gently wooing you:
- You need a pair of forceps to remove his tongue from the depths of your throat
- You need a crowbar to pry his hands off your arse
- Constant hellish nightmares that peak in his presence
- Constant wretching that peaks in his presence
Indebtedness to past experiences is a good thing. One can know what she wants for future reference and apply it to new situations. Now on to find a wonderful wooer....