Friday, March 27, 2009


Why can’t love be simple like it was in second grade? Remember those notes that said “I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No”? I vote we bring the note system back. I think it would spare much pain and anguish, save time, and increase efficiency. No more lame excuses or silly mind games: just pass the note to someone you like; he fills in the answer; and, you’re either in business or you move on- short, sweet, and simple.

Nowadays, humans go to such extraordinary lengths to tease out a love life, when they could simply and easily use the note system. A case in point is a friend who relies on good luck charms to enhance her love life. Luck is a huge factor in her perception of life, the Universe, and everything. She wore a lucky pair of tube socks before each basketball game. She wears a charm bracelet, and her newest addition to the repertoire is her lucky 3 hole punch. She swears by it. For dates, she has gotten more extravagant in her choice. She says it’s the palm tree on the lid that relaxes her and makes her feel so lucky, but I think there’s a Freudian connection in her choice of a pristine, new, soft version toilet seat. She’s not so sure what moves her about it, but it brings her a great sense of relief; and, she’s flush with anticipation each time she looks at it on her way to a date. Only time will tell if her love life flows freely.

Another friend decided she needed to break free of her straight-laced background and get a bit naughtier to attract a guy. So she signed up for some unofficial skank training. She hasn’t snagged the man yet, but she reports the skanks taught her new things:

• cucumbers are not just for lunch anymore
• stripper pole gymnastics is an art form
• if you make a mean margarita your bff will forgive you for letting her boyfriend give your dog a bone
• her language skills are augmented with such phrases as “way to go ho!” and “thanks skank!”

Another friend runs to psychics every time she turns around. As if someone named Autumnflower Moonchild has the reliability “it factor” to find her a date! What about her own inner knowing and guidance system? Then again, she does get lost a lot. Maybe what she really needs is a GPS if she doesn’t want to use the note system. If it can give someone directions from point A to point B, maybe it can help her find paradise by the dashboard lights. Or, assist her in back seat, cheap date positioning with a blow by blow. She can even get one with a sexy, male Aussie voice who could talk dirty to her and still respect her in the morning. Without the note system, a woman needs options!

So let’s KISS (Keep It Simple Sweetheart) and if I send you a note pass it back circled Yes! Let’s enjoy these moments we experience in life, the Universe, and everything.

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