#34

This princess LOVES the light - not the "go toward the white light" kind of light, though that won't be a bad thing if that happens when she dies. This kind of light is general brightness: sunshine, big picture windows with lots of sunshine, skylights that bring in the sunshine, sunshine, and more sunshine. Got the picture? It only stands to reason since the first eight years of her life were spent in warm, sunny, and tropical places. So what's so important about light in this life, the Universe, and everything? Well, everything. So much so that when she ventures out to work with other humans she makes sure it's good and bright. One case in point is a little room that has no windows! Egad! What's a princess to do? Fortunately there is a source of brightness -a happy light. Now other humans don't understand her need for such brightness so she's frequently asked why the happy light is on. While she loves their curiosity, she's getting bored giving the same explanation for her need. Here's the usual scenario:

Curious human employee enters the room with no windows and happy light is on. The clue of no windows should give a hint to the curious observer, but this isn't the case. Usual comment, "Wow that light is bright!" is followed by usual question, "Why do you have that on?"

So here are some possible answers the princess may give:

• "It's my death preparation light. When I hear 'Go to the light' I want to know what I'm looking for."
• "An old Chinese proverb says, 'It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.' I asked the property management department to help me in my campaign against darkness. They were fresh out of candles so they gave me this happy light."
• "Those darn pixies are so annoying! I heard they hate happy lights so I thought I'd give it a whirl."
• "I'm conducting speed of light experiments. I'm measuring as we speak."

So the quest against boring answers continues. Maybe one day this princess will be pleasantly surprised with a different scenario. One possibility:

Curious human employee enters windowless room with a happy light on. Curious human employee looks at illuminated happy light, looks at illuminated princess, then proclaims "You have a happy light on! Good for you for your death preparation skills, fight against darkness, pixie warding prowess, and speed of light experiment conduction capabilities! You rock, princess!"

One never knows in this princess' kingdom. The possibilities are endless - at least in her mind anyway!

#33

This princess is terribly poor at flirting. Yes even royal highnesses can be shy in this life, the Universe, and everything. Since she loves the accessibility of the www, she thought she'd peruse for answers. Here's the dish:

• One suggestion was to cross and uncross the legs. According to the writer, this is seen as sexy. The assumption is that this is in a social setting, so this princess will try to remember not to pick the wedged underwear during the crossing.
• The next suggestion was to have good hygiene and take a shower. That and a new pair of overalls should do the trick!
• One article suggested guys love it when a woman bites her bottom lip. Somehow this princess doesn't understand how trickling blood is sexy. Maybe that advice will be skipped.
• Another author recommends wearing something that feels "flirty". See overalls above.

Blood-drawing techniques notwithstanding, this is a good start for tips on venturing out into the flirting world. Wish this princess luck! She'll need it!

#32

There was a street vendor in the kingdom recently who had a vast array of brightly colored thick rope on large black spools. What inspired this street entrepreneur to go into the rope business? Did she do a market feasibility study to find a niche for her product? She's a little late for the initial market turndown of the U.S. economy. Was her sales pitch, "At the end of your rope? There's hope! I have tons! While supplies last!"

Human creativity in the business world of this life, the Universe, and everything knows no bounds. Here's a list of some interesting businesses:

1. There's a man who sells frozen treats made of pickle juice! Gives new meaning to the phrase "Pucker up!".....Here's his link: http://www.bobspicklepops.com/index.html


2. This person sells origami boulders, which gives new meaning to the "Rock, Paper, Scissors" concept, or does it?.....Here's the link with a heads up-----> *Non-PC Don Rickles humor style so the genteel denizens of the kingdom be forewarned: http://origamiboulder.com/


3. "Nobody loves me everybody hates me I'm gonna eat some worms!" are lyrics to one song kids sing. This website claims increased protein if you eat their specially raised Mopani worms. So if their body loves them for the protein boost but their tongues hate them for the taste, will the kids still eat the worms cuz now they have a body that loves them? What's more, does the insanity of attempting to make this funny approach the insanity of not only eating insects but paying cold hard cash to do so?!! Here's the link: http://www.edible.com/shop/browse.php?cmd=showdepartment&sectionId=23

The phrase "don't knock it 'til you try it" comes to mind with these crazy business success stories. Though this princess won't be knocking the door down to try insects as edibles very soon - as a business or taste bud venture!!!

#31

Many princes and princesses grew up in parental kingdoms where the logic for certain decrees were based on such maxims as "Because I said so" or "Because I'm the Mommy, that's why". These were typical answers to the younglings' question of "Why?"

Why? is an interesting question in this life, the Universe, and everything. Bill Cosby discusses this on his Why is There Air? comedy album. He stated at college the philosophy majors would ask "Why is there air?" and the physical education majors would answer "to blow up volleyballs with".

As the above examples indicate, we all have motivations to ask the Why questions, but the answers we get may not be the ones we're seeking. Especially since the one answering has his or her own perception and motivation at the time.

So here are some possible Why questions and answers:

• In the 1970s Karen Carpenter sang to her love interest: "Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?" Apparently the sunflower seed wreath on his head was no clue for her.
• Why are dogs man's best friend? Because the conversation is easy.
• Why do they say men love the chase? Because citibank is bankrupt.
• Why is the informal meaning of cakewalk known as "something easy, sure, or certain"? Because they tried the moonwalk first.

So there it is. Important or not Why questions and answers. What will they think of next???

#30

The human condition is really quite fascinating. Humans generally hate change, but change is really the only constant (besides death and taxes) in this life, the Universe, and everything. Some people like to say "Change is good!" This princess says, "Well, yeah!! Especially when the cashier gives back the right amount!!"

What are some common human behaviors concerning change?

• Some men run away screaming. But then the women think "Jeez, it's only a poopy diaper! Is it really that hard to change?"
• Some think Jedi mind tricks will work to effect a change, but psychologists tell us that no one but no one can change that tire unless it really wants to be changed.
• This princess likes to pretend she has magical powers when she sits at a red light and coaxes it to change green with such encouraging words as "Come on light, change! I believe in you! I know you can do it! Change!" Yes, she's worked out with Tony Little videos a few too many times!
• Then there's the opposing factions of those who meet deadlines for change and the procrastinators who drag their collective feet in an attempt to stymie or stop the change. Well you'd think the neighborhood ice cream truck driver would be happy to take the kids' change, but he's always 10 minutes late for his 3:00 p.m. run!!

So thus are scenarios of human behavior and change. Though change is a constant, some things never change.

#29

Carpe diem. Seize the day. Ah yes, this princess has heard this phrase in this life, the Universe, and everything. How can one seize the day when it won't keep still? Moving targets are quite difficult to catch. How are we supposed to do this when Time stands still for no man (or woman or princess or dog or cat...you get the picture!)? So much is said about doing this that one is predisposed to think that this is the be all end all to daily living. Maybe it really isn't such a great idea to seize anything during the course of a day (said day included!). So what are some things humans and some other possible sentient beings best avoid seizing? Here's a possible list:

• Car engines are generally not on the recommended list of things we want to seize
• Same for any other functioning motor
• Hamstrings, lower backs, and heart muscles aren't fun when they seize either
• Seizing freezers and refrigerators can cause a household meltdown. In this case one wants to seize a cooler and some ice for back up.
• Being seized by anything may be un-fun as well. Panic, mayhem, Somalian pirates, and leg cramps come to mind (possible exception to the Somalian pirate = handsome, swarthy Somalian pirate).

So any number of things to seize or be seized by best be considered an exception to the carpe diem rule. One needn't be hasty now!

#28

Some humans are adrenaline junkies in this life, the Universe, and everything. They live for the thrill. Here is a step-by-step guide to challenging and thrill-inducing activities for any humans who may want to walk the high adrenaline path:

1. Eat an entire piece of zwieback toast. Baby steps, people, baby steps!


2. Steve Martin recommends this: put a live chicken in your underwear, get all excited and go to a yawning festival, but this is a new millenium so put a live iPhone in your underwear, get all disaffected and go to an emo concert. Teens may find this particularly exciting, but adults in a mid-life crisis who want to recapture their youth may also find it especially invigorating.


3. Create a new category in the Guinness Book of World Records by speed punching with your 3 hole punch in less than a minute. At the very least you may relieve some office boredom.

So three easy steps to get you started on the path to a thrill seeking, adventurous lifestyle. No one said extreme is easy, but who says you can't ease your way into it?

#27

"Shocking!" yes something can be literally and/or figuratively shocking to a sentient being in this life, the Universe, and everything. The word "shock" intrinsically has a jarring look, sound, and feel to it. In fact, shock is a comedy component that ranges from the mild unexpected twist to the raucous.

The favorite shock purveyor for this princess is the grocery store rag with the "shocking" headlines. Always a source of amusement and preferred way to pass the time of waiting in long lines, here are some gems from issues past:

• "Headless hag terrorizes shopping mall!" yeah, they were watching Marie Antoinette at the mall's cinema!
• "Catholic school sisters trade in their wooden rulers for the ultimate disciplinary tool - NUN CHUCKS!" A certain princess needs to update a previous post: http://comicprincess.blogspot.com/2009_05_01_archive.html!!!
• "Scientist proves Earth is going through menopause - global warming is Earth's hot flashes!" So thunderstorms are night sweats?
• "Man rushed to emergency room after money burns hole in his pocket!" Thank goodness no one needed to put a fire under his arse to get him there!
• "Housewife experiences half-rapture and gets stuck in the dining room ceiling!" Her response: "Honey, could you put the roast on the table? Dinner's ready!"
• "Stareroids! Growth hormones cause bodybuilder's eyes to pop out of his head!" Are you sure it wasn't the hot chick next to him on the lat pull-down machine?

Gotta love that tabloid comedy! How else would we endure the shock of their news to our systems?!

#26

Albert Ellis, the founder of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) said some funny things during his time in this life, the Universe, and everything. He challenged the Freudian psychotherapy mode status quo (my hero!) and produced an efficient way to deal with fear and anger in the present moment. (note: Freud's work on defense mechanisms was a great contribution so the proverbial baby won't get thrown out with the bath water). His iconoclastic thinking and can-do attitude paved the way for a style of therapy that has helped many humans. Here are some of his quotes:

"There's no evidence that men are more rational than women. Both sexes seem to be equally irrational."

"Neurosis is just a high class word for whining."

"We're all f***ing nuts!"

Since we're all nuts, does that mean a not guilty by reason of insanity plea is an ace up the sleeve? Can we hold onto that for future reference as needed in a court of law?

He also discussed that we have a choice about what to tell ourselves concerning incidents in our lives. We'd all love to tell happy stories about our lives if only we could remember them! For some of us remembering what we had for breakfast is a supreme task! So maybe the "forget" part can come first in the "forgive and forget" formula!

Not only did he teach and preach, he acted too. To overcome his shyness he approached 100 women and talked to them. He actually got a date out of the deal! One more than he would've had if he hadn't! Gotta love that spirit! He also made himself speak publicly to overcome his fear of public speaking.

Yes, Albert Ellis was the man with a plan of action and a sense of humor. Gotta love this comic hero!

#25

Is it any wonder why communication between humans is an interesting thing in this life, the Universe, and everything? It's so interesting that this princess is writing a second post in a row on the topic! As previously and more simply described, a person has a thought and sometimes a feeling attached to it, processes this, and then expresses it verbally and non-verbally usually to another person in the room who then has his own filter of perception based on past experiences, beliefs, hurts, frustrations, unmet needs, laundry list of mental distractions, and other sundry things; and, then through the perception filter this second person in the room must translate, create a response, and express his own thought/feeling to the first person. This princess is tired just thinking and typing this one interaction alone!!! Then technology enters the mix! It makes communication oh so much more interesting in that exasperating sort of way.

Like those texting functions that try to read one's mind and predict the desired word during texting. Cell phones are terrible mind readers. They make it better as phones.

Then there's multiple e-mail addresses. One or two for work, one for home, one for your friends from online communities, one for your part-time business, and the list goes on. A usual question is "Which e-mail address did you send it to?" Ah yes, the simple things in life! Humans still don't get the message!

And then there's having the good sense to make the technology work so communication can happen. Remembering to turn the phone back on after a movie is usually a good maneuver. Same for switching from vibrate after a meeting. Volume up is a good idea so the phone is heard. It's those little things in the communicating life that matter!

Multi-tasking with technology is generally considered a bad idea. Driving a car and talking on the cell phone isn't condoned and illegal in some states. Hitting a guard rail is generally inconducive to good communication.

Technology is a beautiful thing when it helps communication. Humans are still good at finding ways to keep it interesting!